MCDOUBLE

Close your eyes. Take your first bite of $MCDBL. The Regular Bun and 100% Beef Patties are providing your body with brotein. 19 god damn grams of it when you’re finished (that was quick). This protein is assisting in essential DNA replication and maintenance, responding to stimuli, and transporting molecules from one location to another. Take two more bites. Let the tartness of the Pickle Slices brush and delight your palate. These pickles have calcium, and it's flowing into your body as you read. It’s supporting thousands of the cellular processes you will have today (or tonight as you're glued to the $MCDBL chart). Bite, chew, and breathe in slowly through your nose. The Onions are flowing down your throat. Onions are a good source of manganese (not to be confused with magnesium). This manganese is supporting your metabolism (fast metabolism = sexy chad) and antioxidant system. Take another bite. This time recognize the Pasteurized Process American Cheese. That cheese has 450IU or, 8% of your Vitamin A for the day. Vitamin A is involved in immune function and cellular communication (Luckily way more reliable than T-Mobile). Finish your health nutrient bomb. You’ve had a healthy dose of tomatoes from the Ketchup in the burger. With that, you’ve gained the nutrients: biotin, copper, and potassium. Your hair, skin, and nail health is improving by the second and your muscles are relaxing — reducing overall stress levels. Yes we forgot to include mustard because that shit sucks and should not go on any burger, much less a delicately crafted and holy $MCDBL.